Hasbro was on a roll in the early 1980s, back when action figures rules the toychests and cartoons. In 1982, they relaunched their G.I. Joe line, shrinking the action figures from Barbie-sized to Star Wars-sized. A year later came the cartoon. In 1984, they took two Japanese toylines and combined the concept into a single line called Transformers. The toys and the cartoon that started at the same time were huge hits. In those same years, the company also released My Little Pony. The company had become so big, they even bought up Milton Bradley, adding a litany of iconic board games to the corporate repertoire. It seemed like Hasbro could do no wrong.

In 1986, Hasbro seemed poised to keep the good times rolling. Their next big toyline would be introduced to the kids of America via a series of animated shorts that would combine into a full movie to be released on VHS. Where* G.I. Joe* was all about the military, and Transformers brought cars and planes to life, this line would be something weirder. Something darker. Something grosser. There would be heroic figures, of course, but the real draw would be the nasty, gross, and slimy villains. They would be… the Inhumanoids. And, sadly, they would fail miserably. But now, 40 years later, a generation still remembers these toys that were unlike anything else on the shelves.

It’s impossible to know for sure what the minds at Hasbro were thinking when they hatched up Inhumanoids. With G.I. Joe, it made sense: the line had already been popular in the past, and by adding a twist to it, they could make it popular again. Transformers seems like a no-brainer too. Kids love trucks. Kids love robots. Combine them and you have a license to print money. And while there is certainly a segment of kids who love gross stuff, there really wasn’t a grade school fanbase for the works of H.P. Lovecraft, but Hasbro gave it a shot anyway.

The lore behind Inhumanoids is simple. A geological science team called Earth Corps discovers a giant monster trapped in amber, which leads an evil industrialist to go on the hunt for other monsters. Soon enough, the world is dealing with ancient creatures that would give John Carpenter nightmares. While the show and toyline had a number of creepy critters, there were really three monsters that stood out.

D’Compose, a vicious nasty with a head that resembles the skull of a bird, rotting flesh over its body, and an exposed ribcage that opens up. The idea was that D’Compose would open its ribcage, grab someone, stuff them in there, and then that person would, you guessed it, decompose. If that wasn’t enough with a simple touch, D’Compose could turn humans into giant zombie monsters (who it would then dance with).

With its tentacled face and swampy skin, Tendril looked the most like an H.P. Lovecraft creature. There are no arms on Tendril, instead this beast had vines for appendages. And for the toy, those vines were made of rubber, giving them some real power. A kid could pull a vine back and let it go, and when that rebounding vine made contact with another action figure, that poor toy would go flying. Or, as kids are likely to do, one could use it to whack another kid and leave a heck of a mark.

And finally there was Metlar, the “leader” of the Inhumanoids. Formed in the Earth’s core, Metlar was a creature made of molten lava who could breathe fire and burn people with its touch. And while Metlar was presented as the boss of the monsters, the truth was that it used to be a slave controlled by the true king of the Inhumanoids, Sslither, a snakelike monster that Metlar turned against and trapped in rock.

Part of the big sell of the Inhumanoids was the size of everything. The Earth Corps figures, as well as the Inhumanoid underlings, were all six to seven inches, making them taller than G.I. Joe or Star Wars figures. But it was the big three Inhumanoids who really stood out. D’Compose, Tendril, and Metlar all stood at 14 inches, towering over everything and really helping create that kaiju feel to them. They were, obviously, very cool. Sadly, the toyline lasted just one year. Sales were, apparently, very bad. They never even made Sslither.

From unique designs and quirks to good qualities and love for humans, some Autobots are the coolest characters in the entire Transformers franchise.

While there’s no way to know for sure why Inhumanoids never took off, there are a few safe guesses. 1986 saw a major change in what kids wanted to play with. The Nintendo Entertainment System released in the US in October 1985, and suddenly a bunch of plastic toys didn’t seem quite as cool anymore. Big-sellers like Masters of the Universe, G.I. Joe, and Transformers saw their sales crater. And new toylines like Inhumanoids never stood a chance.

It probably didn’t help that the Inhumanoids were coming out in the midst of the ’80s Satanic Panic hysteria. Parents were being told that evil cults were hiding around every corner looking to abduct their kids and sacrifice them to Satan, and here comes a toyline about monsters from Hell. And, even for parents who were smart enough not to buy into the whole Satanic Panic thing, the Inhumanoids were still gross-looking toys that would almost assuredly cause the littlest ones to have nightmares.

But what is somewhat surprising is that, all these years later, Inhumanoids have never had a true resurgence. It has its fans, sure, but in a time of Gen X nostalgia that mixes with a love for all things horror, it seems like D’Compose, Tendril, and Metlar would have found a new audience. Maybe fans will just have to wait for the 50th anniversary.

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Science Fiction

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1986 - 1986-00-00